Davine

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Information

  • Years:
  • 28
  • My orientation:
  • Emotional gentleman
  • What is my gender:
  • I am fem
  • I know:
  • Italian
  • My Zodiac sign:
  • Scorpio
  • Body type:
  • I'm quite thin

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Description

The great thing about sex besides the orgasmsof course is that if you make a mistake or something awkward happens, you can always laugh about it later. Have you ever given a blow job in an Uber and lost your nose ring?

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What about doing it in a J. Crew bathroom while the clothing attendant was right outside? Well these real women have—and they're willing to share their funniest stories with you. Trust me, you're in for a laugh. If you're not either in tears after reading this or ready to risk some jail time during your next sexual encounter, read it again.

These 50 women have risked it all for The Big O I explained the situation to the dude and gave him two options.

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He opted for the second choice. And I hopped in the shower, still drunk, and shaved everything. How I didn't slip in the shower or cut myself while drunk is beyond me, but mission accomplished When we got in the shower to have sex, I actually started to pass out. The guy had to help me out of the shower, dry me off, and basically became my doctor. I was so embarrassed.

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But one night, I finally went to his house to hookup, and when I went to bathroom to clean up afterward, I noticed a bunch of kids clothes on the floor and a small toothbrush. Turns out, he had an whole. Three months and I never knew!

But I pushed him on it, because equality, and he finally agreed to give it a try. As soon as he got started, I remember feeling something weird down there tingling and burning.

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I soon realized that this man had popped a couple of Tic Tacs in while he was down there without letting me know. WTH, dude?! I washed my hands pretty well, but I guess they still had pepper on them, because later that night when I was giving a guy a hand job, he started making funny noises and started yelling, 'Oww, owww.

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Sorry to this man. We went up to his room, and he laid me down on the bed. But just as he put it in, I looked up at the ceiling and noticed he had derivative math equations taped there. I told him this wasn't going to work for me and we went out for pizza instead. We were having a good time when he asked me if I wanted to sneak away from the dance floor.

16 dirty sex stories from real life people

We ran to the men's bathroom, picked a stall, and started having sex. That was, until three of his brothers came in to use the bathroom. They started chatting it up at the urinals. And we were just in the stall, naked, trying to remain as quiet as possible. That's when I snapped back into reality and realized how disgusting this bathroom was. I've never questioned my life choices more. We were literally having rough sex in the laundry room while people knocked loudly on the door because they thought it was the bathroom. A day or so later, we ended meeting up at a Mexican-themed bar.

After a few margaritas, we went to a restaurant. When we got to the booth, we instantly began making out and um So we slipped out before the waiter came back and went into the alley right next to the bar. He sat me on a random car parked in the alley and showed me exactly how he became so Tumblr famous. Who knew Kyle sounds like Carl in German?

50 funny sex stories that'll make you lol

I motivated her to try her luck on Tinder. She eventually met a guy she liked, they chatted Types of sex stories a bit, and he asked her out. But he wanted to know if she had a friend for his friend in town. Of course, I agreed to be her wingwoman. We met up at a lounge and laughed the whole night. But my friend wanted to head home because she had work the next morning. Initially, I was only dancing with the date I was set up with, but after a few rum punches, we were all taking turns dancing together.

We took a break and went outside to cool off. Outside, me and my original date began making out. After we stopped, I noticed his friend was just standing there. I asked if he wanted to and soon I started making out with my coworkers' date. I swear he was Ryan Gosling's twin, and he was wearing an army uniform hard to resist, right? We started talking, and a couple of hours in, I was trying to fall asleep when he said I could rest my head on his lap to be more comfortable. So I did, but a couple minutes in, I could feel he was getting hard.

So I started rubbing his dick. He put a blanket over my head so nobody around us could see, but I'm nearly positive the woman on the other side of the aisle could tell what was happening, especially when I pulled down his zipper and started bobbing my head up and down.

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Luckily, he came pretty quickly. We talked after the flight up until baggage claim and then never saw each other again. It was the perfect one-flight stand.

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But I lost my nose ring in the Uber, and I kind of want it back We were making out on the couch, and after a while, he asked me if I wanted to go into the bedroom. I just went with it, even though it was super weird looking at the tons of family pictures on the wall while we were getting it on. I gave my first blow job and hand job on the bed of some couple who would come back from vacation, fall into bed, and have no idea what happened in it a few days earlier.

I really hope he changed the sheets. One night we were having sex, and he just stopped in the middle of it. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just too high and tired. Being a generous spirit, I offered to give him a blow job instead and he gladly accepted.

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We stopped seeing each other after that. He said he really wanted to have sex in a fitting room, so we decided to make that happen. I was so nervous. We spent some time just walking around a J. Crew at the mall and made up this whole story to the staff about how we were trying to find him an outfit for some special occasion. I just wanted to unwind and see what I could get into that night.

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Eventually, this really cute guy and his friends came up to us while we were playing pool and the guy started chatting me up. I was interested, but he refused to tell me his name, which was a little suspicious.

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We were making out, and I was ready to go to his place that night to hook up. But for some reason, he started acting really sketchy. That's when he pulled out a bag of what I think was cocaine, told us he was a dealer, and asked if we wanted to do some.

Forget the very first time you had sex, here are 21 stories of the first time 21 people had their “best” time.

I seriously dodged a bullet that night. And while my boyfriend was driving on the highway, I unzipped his pants and started to give him a blow job. All was well and good until he started swerving a bit. I guess he couldn't concentrate. That's when he noticed a cop car trailing behind us.

He told me the car was coming next to ours, so I kept my head down, dick still in mouth, until the coast was clear. When I came up for air, we were both cracking up laughing. There had been plenty of times in the past when she got drunk and started making out with me or whoever was aroundand her hubby-to-be never cared. I stopped because I was entirely confused, and then they told me that I was their top choice to have a threesome with.

Why are sex stories such a turn on for women?

And since he wouldn't be around, he wanted me to give him the grand NYC tour. I actually ended up have a great time with the guy, and one night after a few drinks, he came over and we hooked up. I never talked to him again, but that photo will one day be framed in black and white on my wall. I went over one night while I was kind of sick and had a cough, but I was horny so I didn't care.

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He was a doctor, anyway, right? I was certain he'd have some cold meds at has place.

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