- My age:
- I am 27
- What is my figure type:
- In my spare time I love:
But she first came to that realization while on a singles retreat before she got married.
At all. Figuring out what my husband wanted and what made him feel loved blew open the whole mystery for me.
These are the things your man really wants, and will inspire him to desire, cherish and adore you 10X over. And unless you know what respect looks like to a manyou can easily suffocate your husband or boyfriend without even realizing it. You were just being logical, or helpful, or practical. But in the process, you questioned his competence. To give him the respect he wants, demonstrate that you have faith in his capabilities.
Appreciate his thinking. Your man wants to know that he can make your life better—that he can contribute to your happiness. But he wants to be able to lighten your load, make you smile, make you laugh, protect you and give you the things you want. He wants to be able to compliment you and know that you received it. Consider the possibility that you would stop cleaning up the mess, reheating his dinner and picking up his dry cleaning if that helps you free up time for frivolous fun.
None of that stuff is as important to him as knowing he pleased you—especially if it leaves you frazzled. Even if your husband or boyfriend seems like a gigantic disappointment right now, using this hack will be like getting a new husband. Appreciate what a great job he does with the trash.
Events & entertaining
Let him know how happy you are that he made dinner, moved the laundry to the dryer, changed a diaper, fixed the WiFi, or changed the batteries in the remote. Respect is the best aphrodisiac for men. It can also be scarier for you than just initiating things more directly with words or action. Another benefit of this approach is that you will never feel more desirable as when your man responds to your implied suggestion with enthusiasm and vigor. Just as with all the other relationship hacks, the beauty of the system is that when your man is getting what he wants in the relationship, he shows up like the man you fell in love with.
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I was the perfect wife—until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. The man who wooed me returned. I love this viewpoint Laura!! I am going to apply this understanding of respect for my husband.
Fantastic laura. Mercedes…working for my marriage. Thank you Laura. I love reading your blogs. They help to keep me on track. I really like your articles. How do I show appreciation to that? Been married 12 years. Kristen, I feel tired just thinking about being the only person who does housework! Does he ever do anything at all? Have you read The Empowered Wife?
I explain how my husband started doing dishes like 15 years ago and he still does. Your insights are right on. Hooray, Amber! I admire that. And I love people who laugh at my jokes. These points accurately reflect the source of conflict in my marriage over the years. Communication and intimacy improves when we recognize the s and make necessary adjustments. Thank you for your lovely articles — oxygen to me! How could he seriously not see that the bowl is still unwashed from cake remains? It still beats me! Maybe ignoring dirt is part of bigger picture thinking, and that is valuable in my life?
Rachel, I can relate to that so much.
2. respect his abilities
Not seeing the cake batter stuck on the bowl as the headline has made a big difference around here too. Also, these days I throw the dirty bowl back in the sink since he does the dishes, which I love. Thank you! I have a question, though. Do I refrain from giving him my professional opinion? Or is it possible to do that in a respectful way? Thank you!! Vicki, Happy to hear that respect is making things better at your house! The former is respectful. The latter is not going to contribute to intimacy, in my experience.
Thanks for these tips!
1. understand where his lack of respect comes from
I enjoy reading your blog and am currently reading The Surrendered Wife. I have a question, though, referring to an earlier comment. I feel like my husband values me when he asks for my opinion, and, often it can lead to a discussion that le to a conclusion neither of us could have come up with on our own.
I feel like a marriage is richer when both the husband and wife can discuss options and not just do whatever the husband says all the time. A marriage like that seems so one sided and I think I would start feeling suppressed. Am I missing something? For me, I was overboard with giving opinions and it helped to dial it way back.
Once you fold a piece of paper, to get it to lay flat again you have to fold it the other way. You always get to decide whether to share your opinion on something.
What I want colors what he thinks, and what he thinks colors what I want. Thanks Laura.
I spent a year in counseling and she told me to dump him that he was a narcissist and she really wanted me to get him to come to counseling. It was not a good experience in that she tried to tell me what I thought and felt. I found your book The Empowered Wife and have been trying to implement some of the strategies. You can get this relationship back to what you always wanted it to be.
Once a week for dinner is not enough! Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to figure out the best move for your relationship. Great post Laura and I love reading all your posts. Thank you so much! My boyfriend of six years and I had a really great relationship before.
1. respect his judgment
Although I was so controlling and disrespectful, he was very loving and sweet with me. We were a loving and happy couple. However, October of last year, I lashed out on him big time. My boyfriend has changed a lot since our fight. The spark in his eyes whenever he sees me is now gone. He no longer touches me. We still see each other weekly for about three hours ; he comes to my house every Sunday.